The Good Choice Blog: My Journey with Depression

By Tiawna LaMontagne | World Mental Health Day Edition

I’m so excited to share that this is the first edition of my new monthly blog series on Oneheart.ca! Over the next 12 months, I’ll be sharing personal stories and experiences that have shaped my journey, along with helpful resources, tools, and information about the courses I offer through One Heart Training. Each post is meant to spark conversation, connection, and reflection — and I’d love to hear your feedback or topic suggestions along the way. Thank you for following along, and I hope you enjoy this first edition of The Good Choice Blog!

In 2016, my late husband Joel passed away in a workplace accident. He needed CPR, but no one on site knew how to respond — and because of that, he didn’t survive.

That moment changed everything.

In the months that followed, I fell into deep grief and was diagnosed with mental health disorders, including severe depression.
I didn’t understand what was happening to me. I had always been an outgoing, positive person. Now I couldn’t get out of bed. I didn’t feel the need to shower. Even leaving the house felt like climbing a mountain.

I’ve always loved music, but now it physically hurt my ears. I lost interest in everything that once brought me joy. I was drowning in survivor’s guilt — wishing every day that I could trade places with Joel, because he didn’t deserve what happened to him.

The insomnia came next. When I did manage to fall asleep, I would relive losing him or dream so vividly that it felt like Joel was still alive. Waking up was like losing him all over again.

I was surrounded by love and support — from my family, close friends, and a few incredible coworkers — but I still felt disconnected. Some people began to treat me differently, like I was fragile or broken. I know they meant well, but it made me want to pull away. I just wanted to feel normal again, and every reminder that I wasn’t made me retreat further into isolation.

Eventually, those thoughts and feelings led to suicidal behaviour. I wanted so badly to take Joel’s place. At the time, I didn’t understand mental illness, and I had a very negative view of antidepressants. I thought taking medication meant I was weak — that I should be able to handle this on my own. I felt like a failure.

But then, something shifted.

I signed up for the Online Therapy Unit through the University of Regina, where I started learning about depression and how it affects the brain and body. I also began attending counselling regularly and, for the first time, started sharing all the dark thoughts I had been holding inside. It was uncomfortable and scary at first — but speaking the things I’d kept buried was an important step toward healing.

I reached out to a psychiatrist, and after sharing my suicidal thoughts, an angel at the front desk found me an appointment within a week due to a cancellation. To this day, I still think of her — she helped save my life.

Through those appointments, I learned that antidepressants weren’t a sign of weakness; they were a tool to help me heal. I began to accept the support my friends offered. I pushed myself to say “yes” when they invited me out. Getting active again — even in small ways — helped me sleep and started to bring light back into my life. I also used my passion, music, as an outlet for my grief — it gave me a safe space to release what words couldn’t express.

Everyone describes grief and depression differently. For me, it felt like my heart had literally broken in two, and I was trapped in a dark hole. Each small step — going for a walk, eating a meal, connecting with someone — felt like putting a single stitch in my heart, slowly mending it back together.

I won’t say that I’m “cured.” You don’t cure mental health. It’s a continuum — we all have good mental health and poor mental health at times, just like we have good days and bad days. However, the education I received and the support I accepted provided me with the tools to maintain my mental well-being and share that knowledge with others.

That’s why I became a Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) facilitator through the Mental Health Commission of Canada. I wanted to help others learn how to recognize when someone may be struggling, how to start the conversation, and how to provide support without judgment. My goal is to reduce the stigma that still surrounds mental health in our province and to create safer, more understanding communities — one conversation at a time.

Mental Health First Aid is an evidence-based program that teaches people how to identify, understand, and respond to signs of mental health challenges or crises. Just like physical first aid teaches us how to help someone in a medical emergency, MHFA gives us the skills and confidence to offer initial support to someone experiencing a mental health problem or crisis until professional help is available.

I’ll never know exactly what another person feels when they’re struggling — every mental health journey is unique. But I do know that having the education, tools, and courage to reach out and talk to someone in distress can make all the difference.

And just as important — it takes incredible bravery to ask for help. Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s one of the strongest, most life-changing choices a person can make. Sometimes, the hardest and best choice is the one that says, “I can’t do this alone right now — and that’s okay.”

At the end of the day, always remember: you are not alone.

 

If You or Someone You Know Needs Support

You are not alone — help is available:

988 – Suicide Crisis Helpline
Available 24/7 across Canada for anyone thinking about suicide or worried about someone who might be. You can call or text 988 anytime.

Rapid Access Counselling (Saskatchewan)
Free, same-day mental health counselling is available online or in person in many communities. Visit www.counsellingconnectsask.ca to book a session.

211 Saskatchewan
Call 2-1-1 or visit www.sk.211.ca for information on local services and supports — including mental health, addictions, housing, and community resources.